Late yesterday afternoon, Ms. X agreed to grant this reporter an exclusive interview, after dodging said reporter's attempts to contact her directly for hours. Ms. X has issued an official statement as follows:
“I have overcome my impatience and been good with the annoying know-it-all, even after unpleasant comments moments after entering the workplace. I am proud of this and will continue displaying restraint and calm in the face of such annoyances. Who da boss, beeyatch.” When asked what she had succeeded in exerting such control, Ms. X laughed and mumbled something about mind powers.
Officials in Heaven have now confirmed the rumours stating that Ms. X had retained a choice 15,000-square foot mansion in Heaven, equipped with a jungle room, high tea salon, home theatre room and an elephant sanctuary. “Her request for an end to world hunger, immediate vaporization of all arms and ammunition and global harmony was rejected at first”, says Peter, gatekeeper of the swanky resort-like property “but we decided she had displayed really kickass behaviour in the last couple of hours and thought, what the heck, she deserves it.” Neighbors Douglas Adams and Sid Vicious were overjoyed at the prospect of having such an admirable person on their block: “I am embroidering towels for her and her family” smiles Adams, “I think we’ll have great fun around here.” Vicious and wife Nancy had already built a jungle gym for Ms. X’s little one in their backyard and were busy destroying it with hammers, but took the time to issue this comment: “Shrimp will be quite welcome around here. We’ll teach him to say things like bollocks.”
A shipment of monkeys, cats and Legos are expected this afternoon at the property. Ms. X has also requested that live performances by Jimi Hendrix, Dr. Dre, Madonna, the Ramones, Wu-Tang Clan and Arctic Monkeys be scheduled every Friday night at the weekly Dart Night Motherfuckers event, to be held in the enormous tent outside Heaven’s gates.
Being good does pay off.
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Thank you for your words. They feed my words, hence everybody's happy.