I Will Hurt Technology Very Badly

Dammit. (You know it ain't good when a post starts with Dammit.)

I remember the time when I had to get up to change the channel on my parents television.
I remember having to turn the dial. And it made a loud clunk-clunk sound when I did so.
Things were simple then.

Just yesterday I was telling P how cool it is now that we have a new amp and kickass speakers and gimme a Y, gimme an A, gimme a Y - what does that spell. But today, not so much with the yayness. I want to throw all things with little lights and buttons and obscure abbreviations and codes out the fucking window and pretend I don't know what a television is.

I have been busy today. And I am in my pyjamas because the only pair of pants that fits me now is in the wash. I am lounging, so to speak. Feels good. And I feel that since I must return the first season of 24 to a buddy next week, might as well watch the episodes I haven't watched yet. It's a quarter to three. I can fall asleep watching 24 and have wet dreams about Keifer Sutherland if I want to.

So I turn on the TV. Step one.
I power up the amp. Step two.
I turn the DVD player on, stick the disk in. Step three. By now, I know my hydro bill is shivering with excitement. I am not, yet, because Keifer is not on the screen yet. But soon, I tell myself...soon.

Then I sit, with a total of three remotes in my lap. I try not to look like this is ridiculous, instead adopting a cool, demure attitude as I expertly aim the amp remote towards the beast and punch the button marked DVD. Because that is what I am going to do, I am going to watch a DVD. The little green light moves next to the DVD setting in the list on the front of the beast. ( Yyesss!) Then I grab hold of the VCR remote to change the setting to L1, because right now it is set to the TV and the one channel we get. Wait - did I confuse you with the VCR thing? Ha. Thought so. Because that, my friends, is exactly when I got confused. So I took the third remote - the one for the DVD - and pressed PLAY. And nothing happened. Blue screen of death on my TV. So I thought, OH! I forgot to switch the VCR to VCR. Because obviously now it's set to TV. And I want to watch a DVD. Which is connected to the VCR. Because everything else is.

Then everything was a blur. I was still sitting in my rocking chair, but the three remotes were on the floor around the TV, even though I was sitting 4 meters away. And now I have just finished trying to put matching batteries back into each one of the remotes after having retreived them from under the TV stand. And I've left a message at my technofreak's office. He knows the exact sequence of buttons to push on all three remotes in order to watch ONE FUCKING 45-MINUTE SHOW.

When we got the amp my technofreak told me he would write down the procedure to make things easier for me to switch things around and I told him to fuck off, I wasn't a retard.

Seriously. And the truth is - we actually have four remotes. The fourth one is for the projector. We barely use it. But I still think we've got four remotes too many. Why can't we just control things with our X-Box controllers! Oh wait - we can. Aw fuck it.

In other news - D got news today that he is accepted as a pilot. I am extremely happy for him - it has been his dream since he was still wearing diapers, I think. I wonder how many remotes you need in a plane.