On Wondering Why.

I have been around the block too many times, at 35, to expect anything. I should know by now that when you have expectations, they are usually shattered. Not to be pessimistic, or anything.

But this time, I am hoping things will be different. I am trying to be free, to be happy, and to accept that not everybody is at the exact same spot in ‘Being’ as I am. It still hurts, though, when the person you thought was rocking your world is apparently not doing that intently or with purpose at all. What they are doing, though, is carelessly wafting through life. They have chosen (by their own admittance) to not make choices in life. They have chosen not to commit. You like their bohemian lifestyle, their carelessness. You like that they get up to go get chocolatines on Saturday morning, that they make chocolate coffee for you when you are still in bed and that their restaurant-owning neighbours have soup delivered to your door for lunch.

 

Your choice (and between the lines, mine, oh My Loverly Loverlings): to play along or to be stuck once again expecting something you feel you won’t be getting soon?  Argh. To be 20 again, and to not care about these things.

On Water Expeditions and Counting Birds.

After the umpteenth hiatus in my blogging life, here I am. I know you've missed me, I have missed you too...

So...let’s see. Oh! I went on a cruise to the Caribbean! It was magnificent. It was very touristy, but still magnificent. For my first trip as an adult, it was totally worth the investment! Not that I wouldn’t enjoy a Japanese/Hawaiian/Moroccan getaway...Oh Future! What holdeth thee in store for me?

I was with a very cool friend who had tastes similar to mine, and I’d go on a trip with her anytime, anywhere. You know, when it’s uncomplicated? Just like that. But that was SO long ago! Now, alas, autumn is upon us, my Cute Little Fall Blossoms, and I fear summer has taken its final bow, at least until next year. It was a good summer, though. But this fall promises to be even better.

There is this new thing showing its face, unexpectedly but with astounding great timing. I don’t know where it’s going. All I know is that it feels good. It speaks to me in a cryptic, complicated language unknown to me thus far. It pays for dinner when I extend the invitation, buys me some wine, and tells me my vanilla perfume is intoxicating. It counts birds with me when we are trying to fall asleep (sheep are too common). It seduces me via text messages. I am smitten. I am cautious, but smitten. We’ll see. Good night, Loverlies.

Melancholy Mademoiselle

This week, my SuperSweets, I feel lonely.

I  have no clue as to why I feel this way, I just do. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the awesome weekend I had with a friend. Maybe the introspection is getting to me. Today, I had a sudden rush of adrenaline when I actually considered dishing out a lot of money to go on a cruise to the eastern Caribbean with a friend. In two weeks. It's a great spur-of-the-moment, fuck-it-if-I-don't-have-a-passport-I-can-get-one-really-quick instinct. I walked into my boss's office with a sense of elation and my heart was racing as I listened to him tell me it was my decision. There's a little voice in my head which is telling me not to do it. I have, as I think I've mentioned before, always followed my instincts. But the idea is nagging at me with all its might. It's screaming and kicking. I think I just need a change of scenery. I want to get the hell out, somewhere unknown. I am *this* close to booking a freaking swanky hotel for the weekend and ordering everything off the menu, but that would be a waste of money.


I have unfinished business here. I have things that are on standby. To quote Dolly Parton, of all people, and according to my iPhone's Fortune Cookie app, " to get the rainbow, you must suffer through the rain"...or something like that, anyway. I want the rainbow now. Bad Mademoiselle. Bad, Fool Mademoiselle.

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”

- Carl Jung

Funny thing is, no specific event triggered this mood. It just fell on me, like rain. Like a shroud. I tried to shake it off. I put on my happy cheery face whenever people are around. But melancholy creeps out. It never stays under the plastic tarp you try to apply over it. So the moment I am alone, it seeps out of the walls, the furniture, my pores, it seeps out and takes over. I cannot wait for this episode to be over. I feel like a fraud. It'll pass, just like the rest.

Benefits of Having Too Much Time on Your Hands When You live Alone with Two Cats and an Obnoxious Cyclops Pink Dog Doll.

Greetings, you bunch of Cutesy-Pies,

You must concur - that was the longest blog post title ever. Love it, right? Me too. It is way past my bed time, and I cannot sleep, so I figured “what the heck – I’ll show them what I am thinking of working on tomorrow because I need a project and I’ve been putting this off for way too long”. Intrigued? Good. So am I (glad we agree on so many things, things are looking good between you and I. Maybe we should take this to the next level). Let’s see where this takes us.

Months ago, on a bright, sunny, awesome day on the south shore with my Most Loverly V, I ordered (well – she ordered) some fabric off eBay. A quick look, shall we?

Yum, right?  I think so, anyway. So I was ready to commit to a long project, go figure, and I decided quilting would be it. I actually thought of hand-quilting, but then I remembered only my sister has this kind of patience and goddammit, I have a sewing machine, so for my first quilting project, it would have to suffice. So here I am, almost a year later, and these one hundred and twenty-six squares of fabric have been sitting all alone in one of my craft drawers, silently moping and hoping one day, I would fondle them and assemble them into one crazy, awesome united entity, My First Quilt. Since I live in quite the confined quarters, my craft drawers are in my room, and I swear I could hear them scream at me at night. They would bellow at me from the fourth drawer, and although muffled, their yelps sounded awful. The drawers they live in are see-through, too. So in visual terms, it looked like this (can’t you just see them scream?):

 Then this guy (who lives on my bed between two striped cushions during the daytime, but totally gets his ass hauled to a pile in the corner of the room during the night, because he would just bite my ears off, I swear) started sniggering and generally projecting an unpleasant vibe:

So that was it. Tonight, I got home after a yummy Mexican dinner out and decided it was time I kicked myself in the ass and did something about the nocturnal fabric screams (wow – that would sound so wrong in another context). So out of the plastic drawers the yummy fabric squares came.

Tomorrow, I will :

1. Wake up too early as per usual on Saturday mornings;
2. Remember it is Saturday;
3. Yawn, smile, yawn again for good measure;
4. Fall back asleep;
5. Wake up again about five minutes later;
6. Get up, make coffee and have breakfast but keep my jammies on instead of getting ready for work;
7. Maybe go for a shower, maybe not;
8. Set up some sweet tunes;
9. Open the windows and curtains even if it’s going to rain;
10. ...and whip out the ironing board, the straight pins and my sewing machine, and I am totally officially starting My First Quilt.

I am scared. But I promise I will post progress pictures. I am accountable now, as I have committed to you, my Rainy Day Ghouls. You Lucky Bastards. ;)

The Day After Friday the 13th.

Oh you Tender, Nougat-Filled Crunchies,

Hello. How’ve you been? Good. Me too.

It’s Saturday, the day after Friday, which yesterday happened to be the 13th of the month. No big deal, it’s just cool to acknowledge that it was Friday the 13^th yesterday. On to the meat.

Last night, after having gone out to socialize with a few friends (which was really cool, no matter how low-profile it was), I sat at home watching an episode of Alias. While I was doing that, an idea occurred to me. I have this list, you see. Those of you who know me best know that I keep lists. The lists all have awesome, hip titles such as “Things to do”, “Albums to buy”, “Things to watch/cook/ignore/ponder”. Okay, these last four I just made up. But I do have a To Do list. And it bores the heck out of me. I regularly want to chuck it and completely overlook the consequences that would have. So in my great tiredness-induced wisdom last night, I decided to spice things up a bit, go completely crazy, and I wrote each item of my To Do list on separate pieces of paper, so I could pick one item at random and do it first thing this morning. Theoretically, I pat myself on the back for having such a great idea. So this morning, I picked an item from the paper bag. So I allowed myself some Facebook time this morning, checked my e-mail, paid my Visa online, had two coffees, lit some candles because it’s rainy out, put on some music, pet the cats and let the dishes soak in the sink before I wash them later on today.

I hear you asking, My Sweetnesses. So what? What’s The Problem?

The Problem is - none of these items I just enumerated actually figure on my To Do list. 

That is NOT what I picked this morning from the paper bag. I am supposed to be going through the six huge plastic containers that are piled in my living room to sort my daughter’s clothes and give them away.  I can’t bring myself to do it. She died almost five years ago, and I still have not found the courage...

I’m going to go pick another item from the paper bag.

Sorry for the sad post. It’s today’s mood.

TGIF.

So...is it Friday yet? Cause I'm looking forward to Friday. I like Fridays.

Princess Stuff.

Appreciated Homies,

Today, after the Weird Dialogue with Little Person Living Inside My Head (I swear I still have not lost my marbles), is a cute princess crafts session. My niece’s birthday, the youngest one who is turning three,  is on the 18^th, and so this coming weekend, there is a birthday party going on. I’ve decided to make little Princess packages for all four girls, my two nieces and their two cousins. Pictures for you, My Loverlies. How happy are you, right?

The Materials for the crafting. From left to right, in the front row (like this is a Prom picture): princess stickers, glitter which looks like strings of diamonds, silver sticky letters, acrylic paint in bubblegum pink, eucalyptus green, powder blue and straw yellow (all Ceramcoat),yellow and white ribbons and silk paper for wrapping, a gift bag for the Birthday Girl's present and paper mâché hearts, in their raw, brown form. In the background, from left to right, my paint box on top of which rest two of the paper mâché hearts which I have already painted, a case of Corona (which has nothing to do with this post - ahem), and the noodle boxes I got to put the Princess heart-shaped boxes in (why am I reminded of a Nirvana song?), nestled in green silk paper.

 Anabelle's Gift Bag, containing two books: one about Sirens and one about Imps.

 The Princess Boxes, once they are done. The noodle boxes, decorated with princess stickers on all four surfaces, are meant to nestle the four princess heart-shaped boxes, each identified with the girls' initials (from left to right, Liliane, Anabelle, Éva, and Clémence). The Princess boxes are filled with real fruit gummies. Yum.