Gabrielle

Dear few who read this blog,

I did not know how to do this. I did not even know if I would continue this blog. But I have decided it is a good idea to keep on going, and this entry is unfortunately not a happy one. I had to notify K, I did not want her finding out here. H and I lost our baby girl, Gabrielle.

I had not felt her move since the night before. I decided not to be alarmed. I had a long day at work, I was tired, and figured I had been too busy to feel her kicking. When I called the clinic the next morning, I was told it was better to show up at the delivery room to get monitoring for a while just to make sure everything was ok. When two nurses did not find her heartbeat, a sonogram was done. We are still reeling from the shock of not seeing her little heart beat in black and white on that monitor. I think we will be for a while. I delivered her Friday, the 13th, at 1:30 a.m., at 28 weeks of pregnancy. The autopsy revealed the umbilical cord was too tight about 1 cm from her belly, making it impossible for food and air to make it through. This is a complete fluke, and is not something that could have been foreseen or prevented. We are relieved to have an answer to this - we were told in 60 to 70% of cases, there was no answer, no cause, no relief. I am glad this is not unexplicable. It would have made it all tougher. We got to see her, we got an answer to our disbelief and sorrow, and we know it will be ok next time.

We are doing well. We have not given up our desire to start a family. We just need a little time for the stars to align again, and we'll try again with hope and excitement.

We're packing up the appartment. The big move to our new condo is on Saturday. It's very exciting to move into a new home, and a welcome beginning to a new chapter in our lives.